This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
