i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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