Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
