So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
