you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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