I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
