I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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