if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
