i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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