god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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