I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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