so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
