They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize