I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
