Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
