i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
