the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
