I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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