I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
