So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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