in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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