we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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