So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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