and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
