I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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