I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
