my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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