it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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