I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
