I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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