I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
