good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
