So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
