remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
