finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm bleeding and have questions
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
