My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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