she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You may now shotgun with the bride
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
