How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
