there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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