how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
