some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
