eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
