So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
