So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
