I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize