just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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