The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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