her vagine was all disorganized.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
