whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
