I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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