oh god the rape fog is back!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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