dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
