I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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