I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
