I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
