margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
