she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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