Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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