Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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