also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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