all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
