I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
