i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
